We’re heading into the holiday season, and I can’t help but feel a great love for the teaching souls I’ve encountered this year. To connect with someone on a soul level, and experience a person’s unique energy, is a gift. It’s a gift I only learned about a few years ago, and it’s a treasure I continue to untangle with the scrutiny of a jeweler. My thoughts on soul resonances may not be yours, and that’s okay. There are different kinds. We all come together for different reasons.
You may find yourself drawn to another person and not understand why. Your mind will try and explain it to you. Your mind will try and figure it out like a puzzle. Every cell of your body will be under the ecstatic influence of another’s energy, and your life won’t be ready. Your world won’t be able to accommodate it, and your mind will beg the stars for an answer. Why does it feel this way?
You know what, kid, when this happens, you’re in it. You are being taught. You are the recipient of a gift that will tear at you. It will pull rugs out from under you. It will find your torn seams that so need repair, and then this universal gift will tear them open further. Why doesn’t fit in this equation. It doesn’t sound like you’d be attracted to this, and it seems like something that would be easy to let go or stop. No, spirit pulls us into situations that we need. Our souls know this. Our higher selves get it, even as we feel like the Velveteen Rabbit: made real with a love that goes beyond our comfort zone.
This year, spirit brought me a teacher that wanted to teach me boundaries. My inclination is to find someone and help, even when it is refused. It’s disrespectful to try and fill your own selfish desire to be needed or be of use when someone flat-out doesn’t want it. Love is love, but it doesn’t over-ride one’s mandate for respect. Sometimes you don’t get to be the helper, and I lost a friend figuring that out. Well, I knew it, but I couldn’t manage it. This is where the lesson gets quite elegant.
I was so disappointed and angry with myself for losing a person I wanted in my life, for not being good enough to keep in this person’s eyes, that I practically dissolved like an Alka seltzer in water. I’m a writer, and I’d already made us life-long friends and all of that was fizzing away. There was no room for what the universe or God had in mind. I was grief-stricken, and yet this was just spirit setting the stage.
The gift of a teacher, a true soul connection, is all about love on the soul level, but we cannot experience this kind of love unless we are true to ourselves. I was furious with myself though. My self had pissed me off. There was a real energetic pain in my heart chakra that would not go away. Days passed. Weeks passed. I’d feel source remove it, and a thought or a song would lock that burning pain back in place. In fact, I’d been forgiven by this would-be lifelong friend, but still I was denied access. I was a worn rabbit not worth keeping.
I was forced to deal with myself, and that meant my energy, my physical body, and my mind. I had to look nowhere else and hope that spirit would find me. I started running when I’d never been a runner in my life. I started sitting quietly more often, and taking photos of plants and bugs. I started looking at very small things, things without egos. At night I’d lay in bed and wonder what energetic connections really mean. Were people out there feeling me? Were they wondering about me? Wait, could my energy be a teacher too? The thought made me happy.
I started to realize painful happenings aren’t always my lesson. In fact, most often we’re all learning at the same time. We’re loving too and yet that love doesn’t always land. We can’t feel it, and this time alone would show me that. Over the next few months, I’d be reminded of the friend I lost. Instead of that standard grief, however, I was blindsided with love. It was like it rained down from God all of the sudden, and just because I’d closed an umbrella of self-loathing. Each time this happened, I was given insight on this person and myself. I saw different perspectives. I felt like entire conversations took place internally, and real healing took place. Were these understandings true or of my own imagination? I can’t be completely sure, but love found me when I got out of the way.
One of the insights was profound. This person scared the shit out of me. I mean, I claimed to want contact, to be life-long friends, and yet being rejected as a friend terrified me. How had I, as a grown woman, given so much power away?
Since then I’ve realized what it is to feel other people’s energy. It’s not always a tsunami. Sometimes it’s a little ripple of knowing. So, you see, the resonance with this friend that I lost becomes a little more crystalized. My own energy becomes equally so. The blossoming continues, and there was never really anything to worry about. Love, and the jackasses in higher dimensions will figure it out. I have requested they keep me posted.