In my last blog entry brought up doubt and asked you to consider that our nutrition might energize doubt within our body. I suggested that it is not simply an emotion. There could actually be physicality to doubt, and that means what we put into our body could help counter it.
Now, on the eve of the new moon, I’m considering the physical, mental, and emotional layers to letting go. I’m not saying I’ve figured it all out. What I’m saying is that looks like an epiphany is rising on the horizon. You see, I hate letting go. Sometimes that translates to stuff in an old box, but more times and not it includes people. If I’ve ever loved you, the piggyback attachment has followed. I loved you, the dynamic we once shared. I’m not always speaking romantically. I’m talking about the flow of people in and out of one’s life. It’s never been easy for me. Tonight, I’m asking why and getting a few answers.
I’ve stumbled into a YouTube playlist with Sarah Mclachlan and the Cranberries. I’m recalling other times, the angst of a tight grip. I recall the wanting to hold, the pain in the chest that accompanies release. Tears, there have always been lots of tears with letting go. Oh, and the heat that rises off your body when you’re consumed with grief and a desire for another reality. Not letting go makes my ears ring. This all happens when you are ripe with resistance.
You move through the not letting go feeling for just a few moments at first. Maybe it’s the time it takes to inhale and exhale. A while later, maybe it’s the time it takes to drink a glass of water. Soon though, after months, maybe even a year, you can let go all the way up a steep hill on your bicycle. You can let go long enough to change the paint on your walls or your job. This is when you’ve gotten really good at it, and then you notice something peculiar.
At 6:02 every evening you are not letting go. You’re heading home from work. You buckle your seatbelt, turn on any number of radio stations or CD’s, and you check out the pool. You dip your toes in at first, and oh it’s so familiar. Not dangerous. More like an old buddy with bad cologne. Halfway home, and your diving down deep. You’re singing Adia, or some freakin’ Cold Play song like you’re creating a soundtrack for a wound. Your cutting yourself with lyrics and cherishing the ache like smoke from your father’s pipe. Why this ritual inflammation?
The nobility or spiritual enlightenment behind letting go was never a helpful tool in release, but here’s what was: the anatomy of attachment. I was only feeling attachment.
These are low vibrations and part of the not letting go feeling. They are low energies but not the sum of the reality. In fact, they hide some valuable insight.
- Did you know that you were being loved while you struggled to let go? The whole time. Love is love and not qualified by who sends it to you. It is divine and you’ve been surrounded by it. It’s all yours whether you choose to feel it or listen to depressing songs.
- Did you know that you were being let go too? Maybe not in the way you let go, but don’t assume someone else had it easy. Don’t wish them to have it hard. You just need to realize that your worth was never part of the letting go equation. Worth, the soul’s worth, is divine. Identifying with separation is necessary to heal and grow and find peace, but don’t make it mean something else. Even as you experience separateness, you can shift to the sensation of connection. Not attachment, but a beautiful and even sensual connection.
- Finally, it may be time to start a new ritual. At 9:09 every night, why not consider grace instead of worry. Why not be in a place that sees us as beautiful babies, then boys and girls, then men and women who share bliss and move through blindness over and over again.